Introduction
Whether you’ve critical anger issues, or know you get angry sometimes when you’d rather not, you can practice transforming your temper so you’re not too hot to handle.
Anger is a useful emotion at times. It can give you the drive to implement constructive changes. Carried out unwittingly, though, it’s often harmful.
Rage may make you do or say regrettable things that injure your relationships. While angry, you could upset your partner, for instance, give a poor impression to your boss, or say something hurtful your children remember forever.
You might meet trouble if you get angry with a stranger too. You’ve no idea how they’ll react. Nobody wants sense knocked into them via aggression.
When your temper is out of control, of course, the prime person you damage is you. You can’t take back words spoken in haste, or change the way people see you once you’ve behaved badly, and must live with the consequences.
Learning to transform rage into more constructive feelings will help you communicate better. It can also save your relationships and might lower your blood pressure.
Why you get angry
Emotions are energy arising from thoughts. When angry, you’ve told yourself a story in which you justify rage. You feel offended and badly treated, or downright frustrated, and your negative energy seeks an outlet.
You might imagine you should seek revenge for a slight made against you. Then again, perhaps you have no plans at all, and want to let off steam. The energy built wants to escape and you have little control because things have gone too far.
There is a point in the energy-building process, though, when it’s possible to turn things around and create a better outcome. Self-awareness can help you recognize that point and transform your energy to make it helpful rather than a hindrance.
How to transform rage
There are two distinct kinds of anger in that they emerge differently. One involves a gradual build of negative energy fueled by self-talk. The other needs little time to build and is best described as explosive. It happens fast.
When negative self-talk fuels anger
The stories you tell yourself about events matter. You might think you go over facts when you entertain self-talk, but really, what’s happening is you’ve colored everything with your personal perspective. Someone else might see what occurred differently.
If your mindset’s already negative, you’re likely to create negative stores about events on autopilot. So, if a driver cuts in front of you on the way to work, you might imagine they did it on purpose and don’t care about your safety.
With a more positive outlook, however, you might tell yourself a tale in which the errant driver is having a terrible day rather than thoughtless, and your story won’t make you mad.
To stop rage expanding, you can create a helpful story and alter self-talk. When disgruntled thoughts rise and a negative tale forms, be mindful to change tack.
Other signs you’re about to generate an unhelpful, anger-igniting story might be physical, like a racing heartbeat, fast breathing, sweaty palms, and tense muscles. Recognize these signals before your anger gets out of control and alter your story.
Add deep breathing to your line of defense too. Take long, slow breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth, and your parasympathetic system will work on your behalf to increase a sense of calm wellbeing.
Also, relax your body. Drop your shoulders, unclench your fists, and relax your jaw. Picture a peaceful scene amid nature and imagine the sound of a trickling stream to induce calm. Or relive a happy memory.
When anger stems from a trigger
You’ve probably heard of the term ‘red button’ before, used to describe when someone’s trigger’s pushed. Triggers make people highly sensitive and have negative meanings for individuals.
To uncover yours, consider patterns of anger. What type of thing’s likely to make you mad? What behaviors people display do you abhor that cause your hackles to rise?
Uncover your triggers and you can prepare for an unpleasant mood when you’re liable to fly off the handle. Practice deep breathing and other methods to induce calm before you lose control.
If that careless driver’s in front of you, for instance, and you know you usually lose the plot when confronted by similar conditions, pull over rather than continue your journey and give them time to disappear.
Or, if someone at work annoys you, focus on an attention-consuming project or take a coffee break. When you can’t avoid a trigger, count to ten, play relaxing music, or engage in another activity that aids peace of mind.
Meditate
Meditation is a helpful way to lessen the tendency to become enraged too easily. You can train your system to relax and gain time in which to alter a negative story or curb anger via avoidance or a calming tactic.
Practice often, and you’ll develop a balanced attitude and access the part of you that’s centered when you meet challenges.
It’s not always healthy to get angry. Instead of letting rage rise, transform it with meditation, imagery, deep breathing and positive self-talk, and you won’t lose control to make your life more lively and blissful.
Content courtesy: Medium Daily Digest
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